I am emo

I am a weird person. I am an emo person. 

I don't know how to describe myself. 

Sometime I even hate myself. My life is colourless, meaningless and hopeless.

I saw my friends and strangers surrounding me are so happy with their life. I believe everyone has his/her own problems and difficulties. But they can live happily. And I? NO!

My friend asked me that why are all my posts so sad, why not I write something fun and share my happiness. What could I answer? I don't happy! How to write something happy?

My life is colourless. Attend classes, back home, ... It's a routine, a fixed routine of my life. It will never goes against the 'plan'.

Seriously I cannot blame about my life because I choose to! I am so closeness to specific things. 'Careful calculation and strict budgeting' can only describe myself. Maybe I not come from a rich family and I understand how the money come from. I work part time to earn extra money as my parent are having low salary. That's why, I understand it is very hard to earn money if I don't have a good job. In order to have a good job, I understand I should have a good qualification. In order to have a good qualification, I understand I should have good result. ... It is a long and related relationship here. Why I always think so far away? From work to study...~.~' It makes me suffer! 

Ok, back to the topic. How to happy? I don't know. What I know and I can do now is follow my routine. Just follow it. It will show the way I should go at the end. What a hopeless life!

In short, I should concentrate on the coming final examination. I hope to get higher result! I know it has a very very low probability because GPA 3.9 is my limit, I cannot achieve higher. Hence, I won't be greedy. I just hope to maintain my CGPA at distinction.

Before I'm off, I wish to redeem my 19th birthday wish since I didn't make any wish during the short celebration. I hope it is work! because these wishes are so important to me.

1. I wish my result can maintain at my desired level.

2. I wish I can get his news.

Post on 21st Dec

1010

Finally~

I have been waiting for so long time to get full mark. Haha. And finally now, I got full mark! <3

I always lack of some exam luck and hence I always can't get full mark. Although it was considered quite good, just less 1 mark, 2 marks or 3 marks, there was always happens that I made some silly mistake and I've been waiting for the satisfaction for so so so long time.

People always say those score full for law subject is a crazy person, good in memorising, a nerd. But what can I argue here is that I did memorise it but I 'pick' to memorise! My answer is not bulat-bulat from the notes!!

Full mark for 'Investment Industry Law' does not mean that I am good in memorising. Instead, I hate to memorise. If I said I never memorise, it was fake! I am telling lie. Lol. I don't believe one can score full or high mark without memorise a single word.

'Understand it before remember it', this is my way of study. I found that after I understand a thing, that is much more easier to remember it. Thus, I always study at least twice before going to exam. First round is for basic understanding. Second round is to remember it. If I still not able to remember it, then only I will memorise it. Although I choose to memorise, it is easier to memorise after I understand it. This 'memorise' is very different from 'blindly memorise'.

I am waiting for some higher achievement in my academic =)

The best achievement I ever got now was full mark in my Macroeconomic coursework. That was really really amazing! Hahaha. After that, I didn't get any achievement already, until now T.T

It is getting harder and harder for me to achieve higher achievement. sigh~

I just hope and pray for my CGPA can maintain 3.85 or above. This is my final target! Gambateh! ^^

Post on 13rd Nov

1320

心理不平衡

一段时间没上来了，我又回来啦～

我很少在这里分享开心的事，因为不善于沟通的我，常常上来这里通过文字抒发藏在内心不为人知的情绪 ^^

其实有好几次都想来写写自己的心情，可是往往碍于时间关系而把一些不开心的事往里面吞。

就好像昨天，妈妈竟然叫我自己坐巴士从KL回都不愿为要考试的我提早回！我太失望了！

她竟然说出这种话！我会记住的！

要是让我昨天上来，一定会写很多很多很难听的话，哈哈！

幸好，我的气来的快，去的快。

现在，没事啦～

还有今天，考了Leo Test，运气欠佳的我再次考到49/50的成绩 =(

很不幸的是，这次总共有4个人考获同样的分数。

还能怎样呢？就临时出5道问题咯～

我竟然5道都不会！因为这5道题都不是在考试范围内，而是临时出的。

当时心理很不平衡，真的有点想讲脏话！（不是有点，而是已经讲了 =P）

是我忽略少师，所以5道问题都不会回答。

自己活该！

算了，反正不重要！

我已做好自己的本分，也凭自己的努力和付出考到49/50的成绩。

早上才读，并且没有作弊，也算对得起良心了！ =)

对不起，我真的不喜欢作弊，因为我不想听别人的闲言闲语。

 或许我就是自私。

所以，对不起，如果我没帮到你。

最后，想对看这篇文章的人说，我没有要说什么，只是很单纯地抒发自己的不平衡。

请勿扭曲我的意思！谢谢！

笔于2011年11月5日

2235

 

more serious

It's day 6 today.

Why am I still not yet recover?

Why am I getting more and more bubbles instead of getting lesser n lesser?

Damn!!! When can I recover???!!

The bubbles on my face and thigh are getting more and more bigger and pain!! 

I just realized the bubble on my face has some sort of fluid, yellowish fluid. OMG!

Please, be kind to me~ T_T

Besides, my eye problem came again! 

It's pain!! I can see a so-called bacteria is sucking my blood!!!

Besides this bacteria, my eye is swelled too.

Gosh! When can I get normal???

Post on 28th Sept

1010

一波未平，一波又起

昨天，真的有如标题说的那么糟糕，‘一波未平，一波又起’。

虽然知道一个人一生中会出水痘一次，但是万万没想到会真的发生在我身上。

之前，当身边的朋友出水痘时，我都会很乐观地说听天由命，要来就来，反正总要出一次嘛～

现在，终于出了。我却乐观不起来。

为什么在这个时候出？我要去上课，我要出席活动。

我不是位书虫，也不爱读书，我只是为成绩打拼，并不是我怕输，而是我为将来打算。

我真的不想拿病假，也不想缺席任何一堂课。我怕我会追不上。我不要成绩退步。

今天，PMO举办了我有兴趣的活动，晚上的Leo Cabinet Installation也颇有兴趣。我甚至还已经打算交通和衣着了。最终，什么都没了。呆在家里。

第一波，当然是出水痘。接下来的第二波，实在是心痛极了。

晚上睡前，发现手机出现一通未接电话，是个不知名的+8813131349。

我就奇怪。而且我竟然没听到电话有响过呀！

我害怕是他！

就在好奇心和害怕的驱使之下，不管了，我拨打了这通电话。

第一通，不通。

第二通，通了，类似客户服务的人说一大堆话。

才听了几秒就觉得不对劲，莫名其妙，就赶快挂了。

即，通话报告显示花了RM12.50！！！

王八蛋！！！无端端亏了RM12.50！！

笔于2011年9月24日

2255

Am I greedy?

People say my result is good. People say my performance is good. People are envying me. People are asking me not to humble. People are blaming me hypocritical.

Well, first of all, I would like to thank to those who praising me.

But why I still unhappy with that? I'm disappointed with that.

I shouldn't get this result/marks, I'd wasted the mark which is belong to me. ='(

Am I greedy?

I don't think so. I just want to improve myself and get better!

I still satisfy with that though I'm not so happy with that. I would say, this is my standard and level. I'd tried. Why I would miss the marks, I don't know...it is just, out of my expectation but in the range of my target, seem contradictory uhh..haha @@

___Saja spamming___

Post on 5th July
2140

Lost my way

Now, year 2 semester 1, I am so depravation! I cannot tolerate myself with this damn stupid fu*king situation!!! I am losing my way T_T

How am I suppose to describe my feeling now? This feeling is swallowing me and engulfing me day by day!!! Arghhhhh!~~~~~

How to express myself?!?! I HATE myself so much!

Why I cannot concentrate during the lectures and tutorials even though I'd told myself to do that?!

Why I don't know what are lecturers and tutors talking about?!

Why is my brain cannot work out on it?!

I am so scared! How am I going to take the tests and exam as well? How am I going to achieve my target?

I feel so frustrated that everyday attend lectures and tutorials without gaining any knowledge! How to describe uh? some sort like attend blindly, totally get no any point from the class, ...

Why I become like this? Ish!! Damn!! Fu*k!! @#$%&

No word can describe my feeling now.

Why is this semester so terrible?! Total 6 subjects are going to study, the MAIN problem is that at least 3 subjects are horrible subjects! How to study?!?!

1. English for Business-so far so good as compared to other subjects
   
2. Financial Accounting-so far so good as compared to other subjects
   
3. Ethics for Business-A LOT of things to memories, too LIFELESS subject
   
4. Money and Capital Markets-frighten by Investment last sem
   
5. Economic Statistic-hate the Indian slang so much
   
6. Basic Taxation-the lecture is so 'beh'
   

See~4 out of 6 subjects are waiting to 'die', how to control myself to LOVE them?

Please~~~~DO NOT continue like this! Wake up please! I got no any chance and excuse to fall! People are watching me to fall, I CANNOT make their wishes come true!!!

I decide to study, to do my revision EVERYDAY! No more relax and rest in my dictionary! I don't need anymore, the only thing I need the most is COFFEE!

Post on 13rd June
2215

Semester 4

Tomorrow (9th May) will be started semester 4. I got a terrible timetable!! =.=

The earliest class started to move forward this semester, which is start from 8.30am instead of 9am. Luckily there is Farlim bus service and I can take Farlim bus to reach college before 8.30am.

The latest class I got in this semster is 5.30pm. It isn't the latest class I ever had, I had finished class at 6pm in the first semester, but that time was my dad fetch me and my friend back. This time different. My dad changed job already. Although he finish work at 5pm, he just can fetch one person as he ride bike to work.

Can I so selfish to leave my friend wait 6pm college bus to Komtar and take rapid bus back home alone?

What if I accompany her? wait for 6pm bus and take rapid bus back home together. But will be lateeeee to home ='(

I believe that it is a tough semester. Yet, I must gambateh! I don't allow my CGPA drop again, anymore, no more!

I ever thought that I wanna get my CGPA higher and higher, like a chinese proverb says, ''步步高升''. I took it too easy since I had improved in semester 2. I too relax. That's my fault.

No more this confidence! Seriously!

I hope to get higher CGPA in this coming challenging semester! Good luck! =)

Post on 8th May
1408

Busy days

My result drops...sob sob...
Although not much, still sad...
Still, gonna thanks Milk God this weekend, at least my CGPA still 3.8 above..

After got to know my result of Semester 3 on 29th April, I brought my sadness mood to work on the next day at Prangin Mall Cathay Cineplex.

Fist day, not bad.
But I didn't know that I need to sale Sim pack >.<
It went worse on the next day, and the last day.
I learnt a word, rookie.
I'm rookie.
A rookie can do nothing.
Especially I look so fierce and unfriendly.
Omg!

So far so good la...everything still fine in these few days. Thanks God! I finished my job!
Long time didn't stand for more than 6 hours already, my leg...~~~
=DDDD

Gambateh! I gonna do better in the next coming semester, I want to catch uppp!

Post on 3rd May
0012

My First HP

Finally I bought Sony Ericsson X8 on last Saturday.
This is the FIRST HP that I bought.
I never buy HP, do you guys believe?
=DDDD
It's true!~

I was using my mum's HP since I form 3.
I just ever used 2 lousy phone...until now, I bought x8.

I just bought AP for RM600.
I thought this price was okay, but I was wrong! ==
Everyone told me that it was expensive
cold water was pouring to me, over my body ='(

Anyway, it was past.
No more next time!

I don't even know how to use this phone.
You guys feel funny or not? Lol.
I'm super damn stupid.
I'm super damn outdated.
I never used such phone.
NEVER, EVER.
such phone means...?
A touch screen phone? A 3G phone? A wifi phone?
Lol.
I just like a girl who came from the futhest village!
I'm so mad with my stupidness!

Post on 20th April
1210

wishes ;))

很久没上来了

开始懒惰了

大考又要到了

开始害怕了

担心成绩了

唉~

Investment lecturer told us about 'improvement',
Let's say, TARC and KDU
TARC has 1000 students currently and KDU has 500 students currently.
Next year, TARC has improved to 1200 students and KDU has improved to 1000 students.
This means that TARC has just improved 20% while KDU has improved 100% !

是不是我上个学期进步太多了？令我想在这学期再跟进一步的话很难？早知道 就慢慢进步，不要冲得太快！哈哈哈哈哈~
这是我的歪理！不必理会！呵呵呵~

Back to the topic,
I can tolerate my result drop, but don't too much la~haha

God, I make a wish, next week will be started final exam, hope that I able to maintain my result, the worst, at least with CGPA 3.6 or else I will not be able to catch up anymore. Thank you!

Post on 3rd April
1215

Lost Phone

Readers, so sorry!
Please skip this post as I am not going to use short form for those rude words.

Damn fucking today!!! I never expected this thing would happen on me! I lost my mobile phone! Damn it. I never ever so BAD luck! I experienced it today!

I just reloaded today, inside the mobile phone got so much credit!!! RM50++!!! What the fuck!!!

I dislike to put mobile phone in bad as I know that it's quite dangerous. BUT just today! I 'saja' wanted to put in the bag instead of put in my pocket.

I think it was not lost in 1st Avenue (p/s: I guess...). If I dropped it, I would realise as my mobile phone is quite big and heavy, definitely hear some sound if really dropped it. After that, I went to wait bus at bus station in front Prangin Mall.

When 203 come, many people come forward. It was crowded! I guess my mobile phone is lost at that moment. Kanasai!!!

I'm out of control!!! My fire can't extinguish!!!

Where the hell to get a mobile phone? My dad is unemployed again! Now, I lost phone. Why so many thing happen to me?!?!

I am planning to get a new one before I go to KL for advanced diploma. Now??? Should I buy now? Or buy before go to KL?

2012, If you're real, please come faster! I don't want to wait anymore!!
I'm fucking hopeless!!!

Post on 9th March
1858

SOJU

First time been to Soju..
Hmm..I think should be correct it..

First time been to club!

I should admin that
I'm outdated
>.<

Prince Subaidah Aikra Andy Wah,
shaking, shaking, shaking
He keep on shaking his body! XD

Elisa too^^

Vanessa and Sky Love started to shake after few cups of Scotch Whiskey.
HAHA.

That night, I felt abit dizzy...
really lousy me! >.<''

Didn't know whether I drink alcohol with empty stomach
or
I'm too lousy,
my stomach not feeling well...

I think
I won't be addicted to clubbing.
LOL
So far still okay for me.
Nothing special.=]

Post on 7th March
2130

超级大倒霉的一天

一大清早，就被婆婆骂，就有预感今天将会是一个很倒霉的一天。果然，印证了！

早上，婆婆问我塑料袋上‘Kapitan’是什么意思。我看了看，我从没看过这个字吖，就跟婆婆说不知道。岂知，婆婆就骂，说我读到几十年书了居然连一个字也不知道，还浪费钱去读大学。
我听后，非常非常的生气，立即反驳我又不是读大学，就是没看过这个字。
这时，爱管闲事的伯伯要他安静是不可能的了。他加入进来这个充满着火药味的对话，说了那些我完全听不进出的话，‘读到这么大还不会，等哥哥醒了才问哥哥，什么什么的’。
算！我不想吵！

婆婆再拿了一个喷雾罐问我是洗什么的。写着‘toilet’，这个很明显，当然我就知道了。但是我实在气得不得了， 所以就说‘洗厕所的，我很笨的，不要相信我！’
接着的事情，就是婆婆的嘴巴一直念，念，念... ....

一点放学后，坐巴士到大众银行准备去交学费。过后，因为顾客少，所以我就顺道做一张提款卡，反正下个星期三妈妈也是要带我去做。

我错了！我不应该做的。

顾客询问中心的那位小姐真的服务超级‘周到及亲切’。
是不是我接触外界太少？
原来那位小姐是不需要向我说明一切的，就直接给我填资料，什么话都没说。
我还以为她是哑巴呢，我想应该是我想太多了，现金的社会已经没有这种服务了，原来是不需要向我交代的吧~ **讽刺着**

过后，等着Pin number。有年纪的那位小姐交给我银行簿子和pin number后，交代我去换密码后，我就可以走了。

应该是我的错啦~是我太笨~居然不知道原来是要签名的~

走路去Prangin Mall的巴士站，心里还在想‘怎么这么衰啊？所有巴士好像走过了，又要等下一班的巴士了，不懂又要等到几时了。

等着等着，电话响了。不知明的号码，原来是大众银行拨来的。
‘刚才忘了给你签名，对不起，几时有空来签呢？明天可以吗？’

妈的！以为我的时间是为你而排的吖？要是我这样有空的话，我需要这样狼狈吗？
算了，压住气，走回去签~

去到那边，那副完全没一点歉意兼诚意的那位老小姐拿了一份文件给我签后，就叫我回了。
让我走这么远的路，就是为了她忘记给我签名的过失，而且才一个！

我真的气到......说不上话！

共走了三次！！！
岂有此理！！！

就知道一大清早被婆婆骂注定会衰的！！！

笔于2010年2月23日
1923

又是一个忧伤的文章

好景总是不常在

刚刚为了学业而开心，很快地，又为了学业而烦忧。
为什么不能让我开开心心的呢？

人家说‘快乐的时光是短暂的’，是正确的。
才开心了几天就开学了。
开开心心地开学，谁知又伤伤心心地上学。

一个学期比一个学期难。
难道真的要一个学期比一个学期难过和忧愁？

Finance好难啊~Investment也好难啊~
终于找到比IT还要难得东西了！

老实讲，不算很难，因为都是基本理论而已。
只是我不明白就糟糕了！！！

这次只有7个星期的时间，就要大考了！
相信7个星期一眨眼就过去了。
怎么办？？？
我很担心~~~

每次一上课就有很多很多事烦忧，
明知道我就是属于比较容易紧张担忧和一直往负面方向想的嘛。

啊~~~~~~~
很压力！！！

笔于2011年2月19日
1630

Result of 2nd semester

I never thought something would happen has happened. SUPER surprise!!!
I scored better result than previous semester XD
Unbelievable~
I thought I would get worse result than last semester.
I already happy with the result of last semester, never expect would score better,
and this semester is harder
got IT, IOM
which I got no much confident.
During the final for Macroecons,
there was no enough time for me to answer the last essay question.
I was so worry my result.

My 1st birthday wish had achieved^^
Thanks a lot a lot!!!
I appreciate it!

I did it!
I able to get GPA 3.9 and CGPA 3.84
I had improved!~last semester just got 3.79 =)
Although not improve a lot, I satisfy! Hahaha! *wink*wink*

Wonder how my parent think...I not yet tell them.
I know, they will not be so happy as me,
they'll just smile, I guess.

For now,
my sister is the only people knew my result, I mean in my family.
She also did not have much expression, didn't even congratulate me >.<
Disappointed~

I gonna study harder and smarter,
try my BEST to maintain the result.
Hope one day I'll score as good as my brother.

Pals, thanks for your wishes!
I appreciate it^^

For those who look down on me,
please re-measure your mind!

Finally,
I remember what I had promised, which is
eat at City Bayview if I scored better than previous semester.
But...
problem has occurred.
Argh, my god~I don't have car~
I cannot go there myself,
my parent won't eat at there, they complain expensive >.<

want to practice this promise is so difficult ==
sigh~
want to be a trustworthy person is also so difficult ==
hopeless~

Post on 10th Feb
1925

A Grieve Post

Skip this post if you feel uncomfortable.
I just need to vent seriously.


Why can everyone just care about my little sister?
She isn't young anymore,
she is 11th now!
She got the ability to responsible for her own little stuff, like wash her own school shoe.

Why my mother insists to clean up her school shoe for her?
Okay, last time she said she still young and couldn't wash her white school shoe clean. Fine!
But, now? Why still?
She has been washed her school shoe until NOW.

Actually I already used to it. I don't care anymore.
I don't care when I started to wash school shoe my own,
I don't care what age was I, ...
I just let it be.
Let my mother be my young little sister's maid..
Anyway, my mother is willing, she loves to do for her.
So I just don't bother.

But, please DON'T step in my range and try to challenge my patience!

My grandma was disagree what my mother did to my sister, last time.
She said this just pampered her.
But now?
So irony!
Now grandma ask me to wash for her! WTH!

'Don't wait until mum come back, wash for her when you bathing.''
Wow...~
Sound harmony uh..mother and daugther-in-law. HA!

Tell me the reason why I should wash for her?
Why I should 'help' you all to pampered her?
And who pampered me?

Why you guys just can't let her wash by herself?
I had washed twice in this week.
First time, I didn't say anything. I washed for her when I bathing.
Second time, I just forgot to wash and I realised it after I finished bathing.
Grandma scolded me and asked me to wash it or else no need to take lunch.
Damn it. What kind of family I born in? Gosh!

Why you guys just like to pampered her like this?
Isn't wash school shoe a simple stuff even though to a 11-year-old kid?
Mum is willing to do for her everything.
Wash her school shoe, coat her school shoe, adjust the water heater before she goes to bath, ladle rice for her before she come to eat, etc.

I just don't understand, really!
Mum please follow her when she get married. She needs you!

Post on 28th Jan
1457

Nice memories

I know it's over a long time, yet I wish to post it! Haha.
Pei Yong FISRT time celebrate my birthday with me!
Besides my mum FIRST time buy pizza for me and my sister FIRST time make a birthday card for me, only friends celebrate my birthday is you guys! ^^
Thanks to Yong, Jo Lynn, Karine, Poh Sin and
Bell.

Although it is belated, I am happy and appreciated.
On 18th December (Saturday) , going to Queensbay with Karine and Poh Sin.
Oh gosh, first time take Karine's car. It is so scary. Yong, comparable to you! XD

Celebrate
my belated-birthday and Bell birthday in advance

Make a wish

Happy 18th birthday!



After that shopping at Queensbay.

Post on 18th Jan
1358